Definitely, a must read for anybody looking to deep-dive into the chastity mindset/lifestyle! so why not read this then contact Mistress Haylee and find out much much more of what Chastity is all about.
Pcguy For Mistress Haylee has started a new group on Fetlife that I have joined. I’m not very active on Fet and always looking for reasons to be. As I did more experimentation with chastity devices in 2017 than ever before, I wanted to revisit the topic. I will just let my thoughts swirl and try to cover as many aspects of this topic as I can, both in general and what it means to me. I will warn beforehand that it will probably jump around and feel disorganized.
First off, I will say that when people are into chastity, I term them chastity enthusiasts. With most topics in the world of BDSM, fetishist is usually the word of choice, but in the case of chastity that seems like an oxymoron. Having a fetish for not being able to get hard or orgasm doesn’t seem to fit the bill. Hence, chastity enthusiast seems far more fitting.
Secondly, the idea of keeping a man in chastity is one topic that a lot of female subs get turned on by. They might be super submissive and have extensive kinks all on the submissive side of things, but have a conversation about chastity and you might be surprised at just how many submissive women enjoy the idea of having their man locked up with his erections and orgasms under her control. It is rather interesting.
I should probably say this. Ideally, no submissive male should NEED chastity to control themselves. A sub that can’t keep from masturbating or follow rules regarding their orgasm control probably struggles to get or keep a dominant. By and large, this makes chastity a choice rather than a necessity.
From the standpoint of a dominant woman, chastity can be a polarizing topic. A middle ground still exists that is indifferent to the idea of male chastity, but when it gets talked about it is often because a Domme fully embraces the idea of keeping their man locked up, or they absolutely despise the idea of keeping their man locked up.
The anti-chastity route is often one in favor of keeping the male’s penis ready and available for immediate use. The Domme enjoys PIV sex, and locking a man up and denying him access to her vagina reduces her pleasure. This is often accompanied by the idea that a man should be fully capable of controlling himself and doesn’t need a piece of metal, plastic, or silicone between his legs to do that.
The pro-chastity route varies a whole lot in how extensive chastity devices should be used. There are some general consensuses though, such as, a man locked in chastity while his partner has the key will become more focused upon the needs of his partner since release is earned by focusing externally rather than selfishly. I tend to agree with these sentiments.
As for the intensity of and how extensive chastity is used, on the mild end you will find people who use it as a temporary punishment or for short periods of time, often having a build up period where the sub becomes increasingly frustrated and desperate with the outcome being an explosive and highly pleasurable orgasm.
On the extreme end you will find subs who are locked permanently in chastity and/or the use of spiked devices that cause rather excessive pain when an erection is attempted. This may be common in situations where a sub has been reduced to slave status and their sexual pleasure is no longer deemed of any importance. Another common situation is when the sub is a cuckold and keeping him chaste and without pleasure is a symbol of his sexual inferiority. Spiked devices are even more intense and train a sub to control their arousal, although my gut tells me that used extensively, this may lead to impotence if the body gets traumatized enough.
Between the extremes is where most chastity practitioners fall and you will find infinite flavors within the lifestyle. In these cases, the sub’s default state is locked in chastity. However, it is not permanent and they will be released with some frequency for cleaning, shaving, and the occasional orgasm. Sometimes the release is regular and scheduled. Other times the release must be earned. Other times the release is done at random, often involving some form of game of chance. Or it could just be “whenever she feels like it.”
You will find women that love to tease their subs when they are locked up, knowing that the attempted erection will frustrate them and make them more desperate. You will find women who put no focus on the man’s arousal and frown upon any attention he gives to his penis. You will find women who treat chastity as keeping him locked up and ready for use. You will find women who treat chastity as the place to keep things that will go unused. Any reason you can think of is probably practiced by someone.
Why do women like this? I believe in its most basic form, having actual physical control over a man’s genitalia is rather empowering. If I had to make a guess, the rest would build from there. What fun is power and control if you can’t abuse it a little? I can understand someone enjoying using release as a carrot on a stick, leading the sub where they want to. I can understand enjoying seeing their whims toy with a man’s hopes and desires. I don’t think someone has to be a sadist to enjoy these things… but it doesn’t hurt.
For those who are wondering about prolonged orgasm denial, it is healthier to purge the prostate regularly. There are various techniques used to drain the prostate (frequently without orgasm) and these techniques are known as milking. This allows the prostate and stored toxins to be purged, and if done without an orgasm, this will not decrease the amount of built up sexual frustration or cause a sub to drop out of submissive mental space. Ruined orgasms are another method used, but milking is generally considered more thorough.
Chastity for me is a complicated subject. I have never spent more than 72 consecutive hours locked up because I have never found a device that fit comfortably and safely to do so. I have learned the hard way that powering through the pain leads to complications. Opening a sore that takes 24 days to heal benefits no one.
Mentally, chastity works into my ideal D/s scenario. Being immersed in submissive mental space is the equilibrium I seek. If having an orgasm will prevent me from feeling the way that I want to, I am okay with sacrificing that. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy orgasms, but when thinking logically about it, it doesn’t always feel “worth it.” I know that wearing a chastity device actually increases my sex drive and helps to trigger (or deepen) my submissive mental space.
However, the aspect of it that affects me the most relates to my emotional masochism. The reasons behind it are my space fuel. I enjoy being triggered by being mindfucked into feeling like if I desire sexual pleasure or rewards that I am being selfish and unworthy as a sub. I enjoy being triggered by her taking away my erections and orgasms because she knows that I like them. I enjoy being triggered by being humiliated and told if I was bigger that she wouldn’t lock me up. I enjoy being triggered by not knowing when, how, or why I will be released next. I enjoy being triggered by how unfair the disparity is between the sexual pleasure that each of us experiences.
All of these notions absolutely crush my ego and that process of being crushed makes me spiral so deliciously into subspace. That is what chastity does for me.